happy 49weeks xD
haha.
dont know why i don't really feel the excitement of it
for now i guess
like it was supposed to be a nice feeling every single day
as we countdown towards 1 year
but every single day more and more things happen
some out of my control.
i admit majority is my fault
somehow or rather though i refuse to admit at first
but why can't it be solved?
i swear i have been trying to do every single thing she told me
ok mybe not all
but mostly!
i am really sure of that
and i know she does too
but why everything just don't turn right?
i am like being reminded of the day before funorama
and the the past few days
where some of the incidents feel like they are pointing towards it
i don't know
i am really scared of it
i can just cry thinking of it
never once thought of giving up
and neither will i do that
but it seems to me that i hurt her too much for her to give up?
i don't know
i guess i don't know really understand her that well
everything is different out of the sudden
the way we talk, act and do
i can feel it
she doesn't feel as happy as before
which is kinda sad cos i still do lol
hmmm dont know what made her don't like me so much
sometimes i just want to say that why can't you just accept everything
but i realised that's impossible
cos i can't too
because of that i think i got abit frustrated
don't know what to do or act
just get pissed and just rant
in the end more mistakes
i know she is tired
but i am too
though i ain't giving up
i can't say i will change entirely
but i know i will try my best
ever since the hockey trainings from 2010
bad things happened here and there
but i bear it all
she did too
it is just suck and saddening to hear that your gf lost faith and confidence in you :(
maybe i expect everyone to be like me bah
awhile later won't be so angry
can accept other people in a short time
and the spirit of being optimistic
which is not true bah
cos i really want to make it last
but how?
not everything is up to me
i may do stuffs
but it's up to her to decide if it works
feel kinda stressed up now
must be cautious of what i say every single moment
must think super carefully before i do anything
must put everything ia m supposed to do in my head
and i don't know even know what the future lies for me
how do i have the incentive or the driving force to push me on?
it is hard to make her happy nowadays
being nice after some quarrel don't really resolve the situation like last time
she gets angry over longer periods and frequently
she seems happier with her friends
having more things to say
now she even lost the passion to do a card
for our on year...
i don't know hwat to do anymore leh
i just feel damn sad inside
i don't like all her tests and things to resolve the situation
tests make me lose self esteem
as if loving a person need to pass a mark to be able to continue doing so
and i have to make an extra effort to do more stuffs
though it's not self initiated
independence day or whatever
it doesn't work
it just make us feel more adapted with our friends
and enjoying the company
soon the love for each other presence will be all gone
what's the point man lol
but since i don't have any way to solve
plus she really wants it
i don't seem to have a choice right?
somehow i hope our personailities are much more similar
so that we can accept each other more
i am starting to accept the fact that she likes to scratch her face
and sms while walking
and doing other hw during classes
i don't say as much
i just let her be
guess she likes freedom?
hmmm i don't know
it is rather sad to see your gf not to sit with and only sit with you when other people forced her to
and your gf running away from you
kinda heartbroken
if only i can erase this feeling man...